Sunday, November 30, 2008

. . .

I kind of feel like shit today. I woke up with a headache and have felt just kind of 'crunchy' all day. A little depressed.

I'm on Facebook now. It's a mixed bag and I've thought about just quitting after only a couple of weeks. I got my mom hooked and have made contact with a couple of old friends through the service. The one problem is that that connection comes with a price: the past.

I don't have a bad past. There are no horrors or terrible regrets. It's mostly the looming judgment that I fear. You see, until I was 19 I was part of a fundamentalist Christian church. I'm a pagan now. So every time that I sign in to FB I have this fear that someone from my past is going to 'friend' me, and then I'm faced with the choice of either saying 'no' and offending people that I bear no ill will to, or I say 'yes' and have to explain myself to people that are convinced that I'm going to hell. I'm tired of that. I have had to defend my spiritual path to my parents for the last 20 years and I'm tired.

Well, it happened last night. My best church friend from nearly 30 years sent me a friend request. I looked at his profile and found that he graduated from seminary and is an associate pastor. goody. I wrote him and explained my dilemma. I said that as long as he didn't bring up religion, I would add him.

He surprised me by saying it wasn't his place to judge me and that he would honor my conditions. It was a relief.

I still feel like shit.

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